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How to Burn Your Candle At Both Ends



“I don't like people who like me because I'm a Negro; neither do I like people who find in the same accident grounds for contempt. I love America more than any other country in the world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually. I think all theories are suspect, that the finest principles may have to be modified, or may even be pulverized by the demands of life, and that one must find, therefore, one's own moral center and move through the world hoping that this center will guide one aright. I consider that I have many responsibilities, but none greater than this: to last, as Hemingway says, and get my work done.
I want to be an honest man and a good writer.”

To last, and get my work done...

There is a long list of ways in which this world - of race, of capital, of debt and hierarchy and class and privilege - keeps you paying, keeps you treading water, keeps you working on other people's work.

Who am I working for?
The rich or the poor?

It seems my body, my life, exists for everyone but me. For the profit of others, whether through social capital or physical or emotional labour, I am never any person with agency. It has been decided for me, before me, so long ago.

But I want to get my work done. I want to be undeniable in that.

“I am what time, circumstance, history, have made of me, certainly, but I am, also, much more than that. So are we all.” 

I want to be more than the sum of my histories, my father's histories, the violence that bred my family, my countries, my people. The violence that birthed all of our stories. 

I don't think people can understand each other. We spend so much time on identity, trying to, but when it really counts we're all too ready to leave each other in the lurch. I don't know if it's the fact of age - that we believe we've arrived with so little time put down on the road.

No one has arrived. Absolutely no one.

So it is to burn your candle at both ends: To hope against hope to outrun the culmination of your history, identities, persona; and yet to want to understand others' as just that, a culmination of their own individual histories, and love and empathize with them for just that.

I want to empathize with everyone.

Comments

  1. Your writing is so rich Zachary. I hear you. (thank you)

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